I spent years yearning to be a mother. I was torn between my dreams and my fears. I believed it would be selfish to bring a child into the world with a disability like multiple sclerosis. The thought that I couldn’t be the “best” parent due to my condition haunted me. At the same time, I was grappling with endometriosis, which is a leading cause of infertility.

At the age of 35, the decision couldn’t wait any longer. No, my health issues were not resolved. I wasn’t on the housing ladder, nor did I have the perfect secure job. But biology waits for no one. I had to trust in my ability to learn everything necessary and make things work. People have accomplished remarkable feats during their darkest hours. I could still be a wonderful mother, even if my world wasn’t perfect.

When I finally got pregnant with my daughter, my attention turned to how best to parent given my multiple sclerosis. The thought of endless power struggles and a home full of constant noise and screaming seemed completely unbearable. I started researching different parenting philosophies and stumbled across Montessori. At this time, I did not use social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook. I now know that there is a lot of buzz around it. Montessori resonated with me deeply and I could see the numerous benefits of incorporating it into my parenting.

The benefits of Montessori for parents with chronic health conditions

1. A clear blueprint to follow – Many of my pregnant peers were swatting up on how best to birth their child. In contrast, I spent most of my pregnancy reading up on what to do when my baby actually arrived. I didn’t want to fumble my way through parenthood and live with any regrets. I found several clear resources on what I should be doing and when. The advice covered how to set up a nurturing environment at home, what activities to introduce and how to create a positive and co-operative relationship with my child.
2. Promotes independence for the child – The Montessori approach has a strong focus on encouraging the child to be self-sufficient. From an early age, there is a real focus on practical life skills (such as cooking and cleaning). In my experience, this has given my toddler a sense of pride in her abilities. It also gives her a feeling that she contributes meaningfully to family life.
3. Encourages a calm, structured environment – The approach recommends not having a lot of flashy, noisy toys stored in massive toy boxes full of broken pieces. Instead, it suggests putting out a few limited options for the child. These are usually passive, natural and beautiful and offer an “invitation to play” for the child. Furthermore, it is encouraged to have things accessible at the child’s height using low open shelving. This is ideal for an adult who needs to be seated whilst engaging with their child.
4. Encourages mutual respect between adult and child – At its heart, Montessori is about respect for the child. It sees the adult as a guide rather than an authoritarian leader. The adult works with the child as they explore the world at their own pace. This approach makes life feel much more peaceful and calm. It encourages cooperation, which is much needed by those of us with illnesses affected by stress.
5. Promotes order and routine– You’d be surprised how much easier life can feel when everyone in the home is attune to the same rhythm. Rather than needing to be religiously based on times, we can establish an order to which we do things in the home. One example is bedtime. After dinner we clean up, bathe and have some quiet play before a last trip to the potty, bedtime stories and goodnight cuddles. This gives a young child a sense of what to expect and helps to prevents power struggles.
6. Positive discipline – The method encourages a positive approach to discipline rather than the one many of us might have experienced as children. The word “discipline” originally meant to learn rather than to punish. There are more useful strategies to managing behaviour than threats, bribes and periods of isolation.
7. Fosters a love of learning and sets the child up for future success – In the Montessori method, the environment is carefully prepared with a range of beautiful and inviting materials. The child has a choice of what they would like to play with. Or indeed, what skill they are in the mood to master! By carefully observing the child we can see what they are currently interested in and plan our toy shelf accordingly. This unforced approach makes the most of a child’s natural curiosity about the world around them. Many of the materials help lay the foundations for both practical life and academic skills to come in later years.

I love that the Montessori approach is grounded in science. It is based on Maria Montessori’s patient observations and meticulous notes that she gathered while working with children in the Italian slums.

For me, this way of parenting has proved so beneficial for both me and my toddler. We get to focus on real play and connection instead of just power struggles and noise. Of course, I still have off days with my health. My daughter has the usual behavioural challenges expected for her age. However, I’m empowered with the knowledge I need to handle it.

If you want to try a different way of parenting, why not give Montessori a try? Let me know in the comments what your experiences are.